Beauty 101: That’s My F*cking Problem

Why yes, I do like to reference A$AP Rocky in my day to day activities, and look, this here is a perfect example. I’ve put together a little list of beauty pet peeves and how to solve them without shaving your eyebrows off, pulling out your hair (or weave), and throwing everything in the trash all the while claiming you’d always thought you could make a burka work for you. Fret not. I am here to assist.

Oh and, you’re welcome. xo

You Look Disheveled 


Sometimes letting product sit on your brushes for too long can create crappy bristles which can cause permanent damage parallel to the kind of permanent damage you get from reading about Justin Bieber’s drug riddled dalliances. Ain’t nobody want that. Wash them at least once a month with dish detergent which helps break up the oils and pigments that have built up. Lying them flat on a paper towel is the best way to dry in opposition to drying them upright which causes water to seep through and rot the brush. Ain’t nobody want that either.

Caked Up


Stacks are nice when it comes to clothes and money, not under your eyes. Don’t pile on a heavy cream concealer. Liquid formulas are best because they absorb easier under the eye area and don’t cake. An opaque fluid with a peachy base is a good go-to because it helps counteract blueish grey circles. A light dusting of fine silky light reflecting powder on top creates a flawless finish.

What’s on your mouth?


In order to prevent awkward questions like these follow these guidelines: When lips are dry and flaky, lip gloss or balm particles commonly get stuck in creases therefore creating a white filmy gunky coating. You never want to have to explain away a white filmy coating so exfoliate those lips before any sort of product application. A warm cloth, a lip sugar or scrub or a swipe of a cotton swap will ensure you don’t get stuck in a sticky situation. Literally.

Hair-y Situation


For hair that seems to sprout up a hot minute after shaving, using a light lotion with a loofah in order to exfoliate and scrub away tiny hairs under the skin’s surface should prevent pesky hairs. Something with urea or glycerin helps soften them and lay them flat so it’s easier to shave too. This one by Eucerin (I love their product line) is amazing.

Raccoon Eyelids


This is a huge beauty pet peeve for me. Most common occurance is when I’m half asleep attempting to put on mascara, or when I let out a sneeze post application. The reason behind this annoying mishap is that mascara can break down when it comes into contact with the oils on your skin. If you don’t plan on wearing shadow, try creating a nice matte base on your lids with a primer like this NARS one. Top it off with a sweep of translucent powder which absorbs oils like nobody’s business. The combo will prevent mascara from sticking to places you don’t want it to. As for the raccoon eyes you create yourself, I have no time to assist with that.

To Be Discontinued…


I find myself savoring things all the time, whether they’re exclusive one time only beauty products, delicious little treats, or things like gel pens, face cream, or even clothing. I fully understand that this is some type of undiscovered disease that only I live with, but I needed to state it in order to drive my point home. The point being, that it is disappointing and depressing when a certain favorite beauty product gets discontinued. Three Custom Color. This heroic force will take what’s left of your coddled product and match the shade to a product in their archives (9000 colors strong to be exact) If the product was discontinued within the last 36 months the company will try and search for ones that are in their inventory for you to purchase. You’re most welcome.

Take It Off, Take It Off!


Put it back on, I’m talking about something completely different. Switching to an oil based cleanser or make up remover is key for when your cleanser isn’t up to par. This Bobbi Brown one breaks up product better than soap. I swear by Philosophy’s Purity cleanser, which comes in two different forms, both amazing. If you want to stick to the cleanser you have, go ahead and add a cotton ball or pad soaked in toner to take off any excess.

Baby, Don’t Go. On Second Thought…Leave


Ugh, another one beauty pet peeve of mine has to do with those annoying airy little baby hairs near the forehead and hair line. I’m one of those people who can’t stand anything things touching my face so this fix-it is one for the books. Using a clean toothbrush (I’m sad that I even had to say that the toothbrush has to be clean), and some hairspray, run it along your hairline to tame flyaway strands. Another option is clear mascara, Maybelline’s Great Lash mascara in Clear is perfect. Honestly, this works and it’s prevented much distress for me. There were times I took scissors to my hair and no one should ever want to take scissors to the hair in angst.

Where Has That Been?


No one’s calling you a dirty dirtbag but when your makeup bottles and products start to look grimy and you start to question your cleanliness, it leads you to question your life choices, and then your future goals, and then your future in general, and really, nothing good can come of that. I’m here to ensure this doesn’t happen. So are antibacterial wipes. Using these bad boys will prevent the residue and bacteria from getting transferred to your face so keep these on hand to wipe up your containers, products and surfaces. They’re awesome because they’re heavy duty cleansers so you don’t feel like you’re engaging in chores. Nobody should ever have to do chores.

I F*cked Up


Common mistake, ain’t no shame in this game. Fixing a smudged nail job is easy if you follow this process: Dab the pad of your index finger (yes, it’s this precise) in non-acetone remover and ensure none gets on your nail! Lightly swipe it over the dent or smudge on the nail to smooth it out. Cover it up with a light layer or polish and finish up with a quick dry top coat. Much easier than removing the whole thing and re-doing. Klutz – friendly.

What’s That Smell?


I’ve often thought that generic hairspray tends to smell like alcohol. No, I haven’t drank it, contrary to your thoughts, but I’ve searched long and hard for one that isn’t reeking of alcohol or fruity fragrance. Ones with a pump smell less than aerosol sprays (but are stickier I’ve found). I love the scent of the Aveda Air Control Hairspray – it’s one of the best smelling ones out there. Prove me wrong.

Nail Peel


Filing nails with a gritty file or buffer can smooth out ridges but still cause tears. Instead opt for a glass file which is smoother and easier on the nails. They’re cuter and don’t cause damage.

If you have any tips or fix-its do let me know. The lazy sloth in me loves a quick fix.


3 thoughts on “Beauty 101: That’s My F*cking Problem

  1. I’ve been trying this new thing (as a result of totally missing the return window on a pressed powder that was actually too light for me, allover). I use a powder 1-2 shades lighter for the central “oval” on my face, then use the one that was my regular, slightly darker go-to for the rest of my face. I’ve noticed it give you the “Beyonce” look…glowy and exfoliated. I think the trick is to use the same brand or type of powder, so that technically they’re in the same fam. Or maybe there is no trick and this is just another version of “contouring” which I always loudly state I have an aversion to because it’s justtoomuch. This felt nicer.

  2. I’ll take stacks of money and clothes any day of the week 🙂

    Have you seen the giant mascara wand with hair gel for those pesky flyaways? I think it’s Fekkai? Maybe not? It looks pretty cool (from what my memory serves)…!

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