Wear Me: The Skirt.

Ladies. Please do yourselves a favor. Invest in a good skirt. I don’t care if you’re shaped like a coke bottle, have a big booty, twiggy legs, or an extra 5lbs to lose. The skirt will always be there to flatter whatever your body shape may be. The key word here is FLATTER. Accentuate your body type, enhance your style, and allow yourself to feel like the feminine little creature you are. You wanna eat cheese fries, drop some F bombs, and watch a little NFL while doing it – be my f*cking guest. Just make sure your skirt is flattering. I’m advising you on how to look like a lady, not act like one. That sh*t is up to you…


If you’re weary about skirts because you don’t know the best fit for your body type, stop whining and read on…

Shorty Hay


 The best skirts for short figures are tapered straight (slim) skirts and A-line skirts but avoid stiff A-lines as they can make you appear squat and gnome like. Length should be around the knee; if it’s either too long or too short, the skirt can make you appear even shorter although if you have shapely lets, a shorter skirt can make them seem longer. Suitable styles include button-fronts and wraparound skirts, as long as they are not stiff. And off-center slit can help to elongate the legs. Vertical embellishments or detailing will also help create the feeling of length.

Styles to avoid include hem detail, mid-calf length skirts, patch pockets, and girly skirts.

That Girl Is Thick


If you have a thick waist, wear skirts that draw attention to your legs and away from the waist. Wear long and full skirts or short skirts.

Styles to avoid include skirts with any embellishments around the middle, as these will draw attention to the waist.

Body Like An 808


If you’re curvier, skirts with subtle tapering are ideal, and A-lines and wraparounds are also suitable. Choose skirts with a flat front, side or back zippers, drop-waists or no waistband if you’ve a thick waist (or keep if you have a waist to show off), flat-textures with little stretch, and soft, fluid fabrics to float over curves. As with the short figure, an off-center slit can help draw attention to the legs and not the curves.

Styles to avoid include box styles, stiff fabrics, pleats, patch pockets, full styles, and any horizontal patterning. Don’t wear any skirts that are too tight. Now don’t start snapping your fingers and Chicken heading me. In no way should you feel you have to compromise your Beyonce – like confidence, your style, or your shape. What I’m saying is anything ill fitting, too tight, too short, too awkward and all over, TOO MUCH is not flattering for anybody. No matter what your shape. Ensure your best assets are flattered, not pancaked, squished, pinched, or cutlet-ed a la Miley at the VMAs.

Food Belly


Wear lightly tapered pencil skirts and A-line skirts that drape. Avoid waistbands or remove them. Flat textures and styles are your best bet.

Styles to avoid: anything clinging or tight, bias cuts, pleats, wraps, darts in the front, gathered or bulky styles, and front pockets.



Skirts suitable for a more boyish figure, include most styles although if you are concerned that your legs are too skinny, wear a long skirt with a slit or buttons on the front to increase the leg appeal. Pleating is good for slim hips and you can wear slanted pockets, patch pockets, gathering, belts, and thick waistbands. A small waist can be given added attention by the use of a wide belt as well.

Big Booty Girls Make The Rockin World Go ‘Round


This figure is flattered by a moderate A-line style or loose,softly draped skirts, and wraps, and the good news is that skirts flatter your figure more than pants. A tapered knee-length skirt can work if it’s not too severe, and avoid waistbands. Details should be vertical, and prefer dark colors.

Styles to avoid include any skirts that are too tight and avoid any skirts that have pleats above the hips. Avoid pockets on the skirt, pleating all the way around, bias cuts or trims, Lycra fabric, hem detail, a lot of flare, or horizontal embellishment.

Long Waist/Short Legs

(Sorry. I’m not clever enough to come up with a cheeky title for this one)


Select straight skirts to give your legs length. The best length for the skirt tends to be between mid-thigh and above the knee. A belt in the same color as the skirt can visually shorten the upper body. Wear short tops or jackets, tone the pantyhose with the skirt, and rely on vertical embellishments to give a sense of length. Tall boots are perfect for those with shorter legs. It’s these little illusions that can really make or break your end look. Take note.

PS – I must have the skirt in the above photo. Somebody assist.

Short Waist/Long Legs

(See above disclaimer)


Look for skirts which are straight and have a dropped waist. Skirts that hip-hug or are low-rise, no waistband, and low-slung skirts are also a good choice. Tops that fall past the waistline can swallow up some of the leg-length and fluid skirt fabric can hide the short waist.

Styles to avoid: anything on the skirt that interrupts the line of the top coming over the skirt (for example, pleats) belts that don’t blend in, high or wide waistbands, and horizontal detailing near the waist zone of the skirt.

Thighs Like Thunder



This figure is flattered by skirts that are loose and drape or have soft pleats. These styles disguise heavier thighs. Props to creating illusions.

Styles to avoid: No lycra-blend narrow skirts. No no no. Girl you have many other choices, put down the spandex.



(Sorry, again)

If you have thick ankles, skirts are best when long and loose and with above-the-ankle boots. Yes, I am telling you to hide them. There is no subtle way to put this. You also have the option of wearing a shorter skirt, (although not a midi – which will just shorten the look of your legs), as long as you wear knee socks, over the knee boots, or calf length booties. Don’t bitch me out, I’m only here to assist.

Styles to avoid: Any skirt with hem detail, embellishment, or flare in the lower half will draw attention to the ankles. I mean, duh.

If you’re not at that point of wanting to slander my name all over the Internet for picking apart your body type, I have more to offer:



Hem lengths change constantly but it’s important to stick with the length that flatters you most. The best way to find this out is to check out the skirts in your wardrobe that you feel best in (or try a few lengths on at the store). Note where the hem falls. This will often be on the leanest part of your legs, which is usually mid-thigh or just above or below the knee. Find up to three lengths that flatter you best and aim to keep with those when shopping for skirts. You can do this with ease provided you are honest with yourself about those dowdy, unflattering skirts you’ve been hanging on to for too long. This is huge. You’ll never feel uncomfortable, awkward or bare assed if you figure out which hem length works best for your figure. And the mirror doesn’t lie. Lighting does. But that has nothing to do with picking hem length. Don’t even try.

Pencil Skirts:


A great little slinky skirt, particularly prevalent in the pin-up style, this is a great way of looking sexy while still keeping the goods covered up. Find the right fit, and you might end up as someone’s office, uh, crush. Just keeping it PG.

But some words of warning – underwear and fabric. Be sure to choose smooth underwear underneath and go for a heavier gauge fabric. This way the fabric coasts over your curves without illustrating them. VPL is tacky and sloppy. It’s not hot. Stop. Seamless and barely there panties are probs your best bet. I’m not saying go commando. Or am I. I’ll leave that for you to decipher.



A stretchy fabric maxi skirt can look super cool, especially with moto boots and a denim jacket. But if you’re a little curvier, look for a denser fabric that doesn’t cling (even go up a size, if you can have the balls to ) or even a staggered, silky gypsy style. Watch out (especially in maxi dresses) for hidden in and out shapes around the hips.



This skirt style was a big hit in the 80’s and now is found in even more modern fabrics. Depending on the length and quality, this can be a really good way of showing off your figure by exaggerating it. Tricky tricky. These tulips often have a wide band around the base (which just about stops it from being a puffball) so it’s not recommended for the slimmer ladies, as it’s designed with curves in mind, and if there’s a gap there, you won’t have that sexy swagger. Take that skinny b*tches.



The trumpet skirt is usually a floaty in and out, rippled hem skirt (Sunday church suit style). In the right fabric, with the right lining, it can really float over your figure, giving the idea of an hourglass (especially when cut on the bias). But if you have big hip and upper thigh region, it may accentuate this region, and can really draw the eye to the flaw, so avoid in this case.



The mini is flirty, fun, so in style right now, and insanely flattering if styled right. But it really comes down to confidence, no matter what size you are. If you’re slim, you can go for any shape of mini, and may particularly enjoy the flared, flirty style that’s popular on and off. If you’re a little curvier, a straight mini in a heavier gauge fabric (denim that isn’t too elasticized is a good example, or basically anything lined) may be your best bet.

 There are so many styles right now that I really don’t want to go into them in detail. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I honestly hope that this little tutorial holds your hand when skirt shopping. If not – contact me. I’ll come hold your hand. For a price. Outside the change room. In a very no homo manner. Really.

I’ve included my favorite styles/wardrobe staples/purchases in case you were dying to know…



Myne Fitted Skirt $143 ShopBop


alice + olivia Ivy Midlength Circle Skirt $330 Shopbop


David Lerner Python Skirt $125 Shopbop


T by Alexander Wang Mohair Jersey Double Twist Skirt $176 Shopbop


BCBGMAXAZRIA Ingrid Skirt $158 Shopbop


Blank Denim Vegan Leather Skirt $88 Shopbop


HELMUT Helmut Lang Draped Skirt $150 Shopbop


HELMUT Helmut Lang Side Slit Maxi $160 Shopbop


Splendid Maxi Skirt $100 Shopbop


Zara Skort $49 Zara.com


Free People Jacquard Cheetah Skirt $52 Nordstrom.com


ASTR Sequin Velvet Mini $58 Nordstrom.com


Press Feather Trim Mini $99 Nordstrom.com


Topshop Zip Detail Quilted Cotton Mini $68 Nordstrom.com


Devlin Metallic Pleated Skirt $68 Nordstrom.com


Zara Mermaid Skirt $80 Zara.com


Zara Mini with Zip $80 Zara.com


Zara Pleated Midi Skirt $80 Zara.com


Zara Denim Mini $45 Zara.com


Rag & Bone Leather Fringe Mini $395 Intermix.com


Thakoon Addition Red Leather Mini $590 Intermix.com


Zara Coated Pencil Skirt $80 Zara.com


Zara Plaid & Houndstooth Combo Skirt $80 Zara.com


Zara Pleated Mini $50 Zara.com


Free People Tutti Frutti Skirt $100 FreePeople.com


FP One Taffeta Skirt $132 FreePeople.com


Free People Lady Macbeth Skirt $115 FreePeople.com


Cameo Sweet Life Skirt $160 Fashionbunker.com


Cameo Sapphire Skirt $140 Fashionbunker.com


Bailey 44 She Walks In Beauty Leather Pencil Skirt $140 Revolve


BCBGMAXAZRIA Mini Zip Skirt $200 Revolve


BCBGMAXAZRIA Evelyn Fit N Flare Skirt $186 Revolve


Bec & Bridge Imperial Maxi $150 Revolve


Le Fou by Wilfred Rondeau Skirt $195 Aritzia.com


Talula Vanderbilt Skirt $55 Aritzia.com


Alice & Olivia Leather Waist Pleated Maxi $440 Neimanmarcus.com

My favorite styles right now are the mini, the trumpet mini, and the Fit N Flare. Anything plaid, houndstooth, feathered, quilted, leather and zipped is good to go. That’s pretty much everything right? I bask in excess. Tis I.


I’m shamelessly wearing the Astr asymmetrical skirt in a vegan leather. 

6 thoughts on “Wear Me: The Skirt.

  1. Pingback: Feather Trim Mini Skirts | Tucson Pool Saz: Tech - Gaming - News

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